"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. ~I have never quit a job."

"~I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."

"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged.Uninvolved. No commitments."

"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"~I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

"Marital status: often. Children: various."

"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

"Finished eighth in class of ten."

"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."